The Woman of Thirds

There was a woman named Melbourne who always insisted on referring to herself in the third person. It was a quirk she had picked up when she was a child and it was something she had been unable to ever grow out of. But it was now ingrained in her, and she was unable to ever shake it—no matter how hard she tried.

It was a constant source of frustration for both her friends and family, however. It was always “Melbourne wants to do this,” or “Melbourne thinks this is the best idea.” Her associates were able to remain tolerant of her because she was such a kind and friendly woman, but it all became too much when she began to lose her hearing later on in life. Every second sentence was “Melbourne didn’t hear that,” and “Melbourne was wondering if you could say that again.”

It finally reached a point in her life when all the people in her life deserted her, and she found that she was completely alone. She decided she would see a counsellor to try and rectify it, but before she could do that she had to get her hearing rectified. She immediately called up an audiologist and said down the phone, “I need a hearing test.”

A few days later she arrived for her appointment. She was very early for her exam, as she didn’t want anything to go wrong by being late. She walked into the office and the receptionist greeted her and asked her what was the purpose of her visit. “Melbourne hearing test,” she replied. The receptionist looked a little confused, but after checking her schedule, quickly put two and two together and realised Melbourne was a woman of thirds. “Take a seat,” she said, and Melbourne waited patiently for the start of her new life.